So I’ve actually been thinking a lot lately about love. Maybe because my parents are going their separate ways, maybe because I’ve been involved in some wedding-related stuff lately, or maybe just because according to Hallmark, today’s the day for it. One of my psychology professors used to lecture on how to make people love you: Make yourself a reinforcer, (someone who is correlated with positive things, and therefore someone you want to be around) and the person you love might love you back. I guess that in a lot of ways, that’s true. I associate a lot of positive memories and actions with Jon, and I definitely love him.
But what bothers me is that love isn’t necessarily enough to make a relationship work. If two people love each other, it should logically follow that they can be together and have a meaningful relationship. But what if those people have different priorities? What if one person has always dreamed of living abroad and one person wants to stay at home? What if one person is obsessed with making a six-figure salary and the other wants to live as simply as possible? Kids or no kids? Who should compromise? Should you be willing to change your dreams? And what happens when one person changes and the other one doesn’t? Just because two people love each other doesn’t mean everything will be perfect…love isn’t a magic bullet that solves everything.
If I were religious, I’d say that my relationship with Jon is a blessing, but I’m not, and so I’ll just say that I’m continually amazed at how incredible it is. I think part of what has made it work so well is that we’ve always put our relationship first, before everything else, because it’s the most valuable thing we have. I’d sacrifice anything and risk everything to make it work. Maybe love isn’t a guarantee that a relationship will be perfect. So what. Nothing is perfect. We live in an imperfect world. That doesn’t mean love isn’t worth searching for. And knowing that you still need to work at a relationship, even when you love each other, makes it that much more rewarding.
Happy Valentines Day to all the people in my life: My family, friends, and especially, sweetly, with all the love in the world, to Jon, who gives my life meaning and makes me believe in love.
to Heather
I’d like to take a moment to wish a happy Valentines Day to Heather, the woman who is sweet enough to look past my faults, accept me for the person I am, and takes time to be silly with me.
I don’t need Hallmark to arbitrarily choose a day to …